Sandra Joseph Coaching And Training
What lead me to coaching? This is my story.
Sandra Joseph started her adult life at the tender age of 17 where she was ineffectively homeless due to recent divorce of her parents, as she was under the legal age to find a place of her own, she enlisted a very dear family friend who was 19 years old and also ready to stand on her own two feet. Sandra became her friends responsibility as a minor who agreed to sign for a flat for them to share, although Sandra was still at school completing ‘A’ levels, life in the high rise flat was pretty good.
The girls budgeted food, bills, cared for their place, socialised a lot and enjoyed the freedom of having their own place to the envy of many of their friends however, they never abused that freedom with wild parties and friends coming and going they grew up knowing how to keep order in a household.
Three years later it all changed. When Sandra was still very young she met and fell in lust very quickly with a young man her own age, she became pregnant and consequently was left to cope alone, Sandra could not comprehend what was going on, and in her naivety could not understand that, what she thought was a perfectly happy relationship her boyfriend would leave her when she needed him most.
Admittedly her lust for him eventually evolved into a kind of love but she was still unsure, all she knew was that her feelings for him effected her badly when he suddenly gave up on her on the news of her pregnancy.
She later found out the real reason for him leaving was that he already had a girlfriend in another city and his relationship with Sandra wasn't one he intended to take seriously at all.
Sandra was of course devastated, she felt used and cheated on and wondered why he chose the other woman over her.... after all she thought, "I was the one carrying the baby" but oh no guess that would be the lifelong jail sentence to him as opposed to the freedom to continue with the girlfriend he had all along and to continue cheating on her.....(She lived in London and he lived in Birmingham) yes, a much more appealing arrangement for a 20 year old man in his prime.
Sandra contemplated what to do of course by now she knew he didn't want her to go through with the pregnancy, how she was going to tell her parents a man they have never even met has got their daughter pregnant!......that was the scariest bit! however against the wishes of the father, she knew for sure she was going to be a single-parent as she was 100% sure she was keeping her baby.
This affected her relationship with her flat mate as quite frankly a baby didn’t really come into the equation of sharing a flat, so Sandra applied for her own place to raise her child; luckily she was placed very close by her friend, in fact practically the next block!
To cut a long story short Sandra struggled with loneliness, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and the thought of not being good enough for any man to want her especially now she will be a package deal, which man in their right mind is going to want that!
Six months after the birth of her child, she lost her Mother to cancer and then her Father died the following year, now age 22 it was a lot to cope with as a young mother without a partner to support and now no parents, even though her siblings who were very close they had their own life affairs to deal with.
Sandra went through a phase which lasted several years of dating several men, at the time she had no idea why or how she ended up finding and dating the wrong men, however, now she understands the loss of the family unit and the feeling of not being wanted at age 17 when her parents divorced, leaving her with no one to live with, then the similar unwanted feeling from her childs father, led her to seek the need of belonging.
It is clear now that she felt that sense of belonging from any man who showed attention and affection, in a nutshell she had a powerful desire for something, something she yearned for and longed for that was missing in her life since childhood and that something was 'LOVE'
The burning desire of a happy home as she remembers in childhood was what she wanted.
Seven years to the very day that her first child was born her second arrived, her relationship with her then partner was unstable.
It was 18 months since she met him, she was in a comfortable relationship and her then partner was very caring and kind he accepted her first child as he thought he could not have children. (he was married before and they tried for a baby, unfortunately she never conceived)
Sandra was fine with the idea of no more children it's been six years raising her son on her own which she has now come accustomed with life's routine doing the school run and working part time, she liked the idea of building a career, so the starting over with the patter of tiny feet was definitely something she was prepared to accept not happening.
Both Sandra and her then partner wasn't prepared for what happened next.
Yes, she fell pregnant again eight months into the relationship. Problems started immediately after the announcement, he was in denial that the child could not possibly be his, his ex-wife could never conceive so how could this be? Sandra was so hurt by the accusations and could not explain this conception, all she knew was, he is most certainly the father.
The accusations and not being able to prove him wrong led to Sandra leaving, the thought of being accused of cheating was unbearable, they broke up and Sandra went to live in a hostel, homeless yet again.
Two weeks passed and he came looking for Sandra apologising and begging her to come back, she did, only to find out a few months later when Sandra was about seven months pregnant, he was cheating. What made it worse, it was with a single woman living three doors away!
Hostel number two, Sandra wasted no time in packing one bag and getting out of there. Sick, tired and upset that history seemed to be repeating itself, pregnancies and break ups. She was in the Hostel and again he tried to win her back, this time she was adamant this time she will stay at the hostel until she was placed in accommodation she desired. The sacrifice was worth it after four months of refusals of run down council properties she was offered a nice house.
The new home was ideal on the same road as the school her son attended with all amenities within walking distance. It was near time for the birth and from the day she left her then partner he was still trying to win her back, she accepted, she didn't really want to be a struggling single parent and she really did love and miss him this time though she had her home and if it didn't work out least she would not be homeless again.
The baby was born another son and the relationship lasted another five and a half years, but the relationship unfortunately had many problems, her partner then was quite selfish and loved his drink and his popularity down the pub, more than his need to be with the company of his family & planning for the future.
Sandra found herself planning family recreation and holidays with the children (boys) on her own as her partner wasn't interested, she would often be seen rollerblading, go-karting, playing ball and supervising team games on the street with the other neighbourhood kids, She was a Tomboy Mom, even the other parents use to call her a 'Big Kid' and wondered where she got the energy.
Again this time after several years the relationship didn’t work out, Sandra was growing in her own mind, and really getting to know herself, and more so, what she wanted for herself and children. She had enough of doing everything on her own, she decided she may as well be a single parent again, she actually loved her partner but his choice was the pub. The everyday same old chores, job and duties was getting bored and her partner seemed reluctant to grow, change and develop, nothing made him more happier that going to the pub every day after work till closing time and at the weekends, there was the odd tell tail signs of cheating again, this time nothing Sandra could prove but her intuition was strong.
Sandra thought they were already living separate lives and even begged him to spend time with her and the boys in one last bid to save her relationship, she didn't want to give up on seven years together, it was the longest relationship she had to date. She knew it had to end, it was clear they wanted different things in life, so he agreed to leave they were both upset but knew it was for the best.
Once again the single parent independent woman desperate to do all those things her parents wished; “Get a good education, find a good job, get married and have kids!” It was all going the wrong way, the kids was supposed to come last not first!
This was a turning point in her life to do the best she could for her children, that little voice in her head kept saying “Sandra you’re on your own kid, no-one can help you better things, but yourself” One thing Sandra knew for sure was to try and maintain contact with the children’s fathers, it was important to her for them to know where they are coming from.
Although the fathers knew where she was and how to contact, they never took much interest, they were simply getting on with their lives and came to take their only child (as both fathers only had the one child with Sandra and no other) when it suited.
Now with 2 children and working part-time in a department store, she put herself through college doing Hairdressing & Beauty Therapy something she enjoyed as a hobbies. As a result of being good at her trade and very much a people’s person, her long term career started to evolve when her teacher saw the potential in her and suggested she trained as a lecturer.
Sandra was very apprehensive at first, due to her partial deafness and was put off the idea, the very thought of trying to hear a room full of thirty plus students all blabbering on asking questions was unbelievably scary, she didn’t think she could cope or whether or not she was even capable, she lacked confidence not so much in her ability to disseminate her skills and knowledge but more because of her partial deafness and the potential embarrassment of misunderstanding students enquiries and engaging in conversation.
However after much thought and being the determined person that she is, Sandra went ahead and started teacher training in 1995 along with voluntary teaching and gained her 7307 stages 1 and 2 Teaching qualifications and Assessor Awards then started her first paid teaching assignment in 1997 at the very same college that she herself was taught.
Her confidence grew from being afraid to being the first to volunteer and compere the end of year hair/beauty shows in front of distinguished guests such as the Lord Mayor. Sandra has since gained her higher QTS Cert Ed qualification as a Lecturer, and years later a Diploma in Coaching and Mentoring and has been actively teaching mainly in Hairdressing, Beauty Therapy & Holistic Therapies in many FE Colleges in the West Midlands she also held the role of Curriculum Coordinator Manager for the Beauty department at City College Birmingham main sites and Communities. Sandra has also been fortunate to experience assessing in industry at numerous businesses training staff from ILM in Management courses up to NVQ level 4, Team Leading Level 3, Customer Service Level 3 and Retail Apprenticeships Intermediate and Advanced.
Some of her Students have been Professionals already in Management positions needing the qualification from organisations such as NHS, Wicks Builders Merchants, Pavers Shoe Retailers, Sandwell Mind, Asda Supermarkets,
Sandra was happy with her career and her children were growing up, not seeing much of their fathers but were old enough to contact themselves, Sandra missing her parents and the need to be loved and to be in love, started dating again, this time met a man and got married in the year 2000 at a lovely church in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Life was good and as society see’s it, acceptable! she had a stable career, a husband, children and a modest little house and car. This time she was sure it will work. Considering she had nothing but a table/chairs and a single bed when she first moved into her home from the last hostel 8 years previously.
Unfortunately (without going through the whole story) the marriage didn’t work. There were far too many underlying issues from her husband’s childhood past that made it difficult to move forward in a healthy relationship. He was a kind, caring and often funny man, but the slightest of disagreements he'd take to heart with long periods of sulking.....I mean often leaving the house and not coming home for days! Sandra tried to understand and often knew something was eating him up inside, but he refused to disclose and talk and the frustration of issues would put a great strain on the marriage. Sandra didn’t feel strong enough herself to deal with the unknown issues so drew on her own assumptions of her husband’s sometimes erratic behaviour what these issues were. She knew some things from the stories he disclosed regarding the scars on his body, Sandra found herself actually looking at her Mother-In-Law with disgust blaming her for his pain as she did love her husband.
However, having coped alone with two kids it was simply too much living with the unknown, and trying to deal with her husbands past issues which she established was holding him back, Sandra somehow felt betrayed as the past was affecting the marriage and when they argued he would seize up and sulk for hours as mentioned before sometimes walk out and not come back for days, when asked where he was he would say a friends who just happens to be female, although she trusted him she felt betrayed as she wanted her husband to confide in her not someone else, least of all another female.
She now realised she didn’t really know the person she married, only what he wanted her to know. She suggested counselling but he wasn’t keen on the idea. Sandra could no longer cope she simply wasn't strong enough herself having to look after herself from age 17 her own emotional issues from past relationships, she knew she could not deal with consoling her husbands emotional and mental well-being and be strong for her boys and herself, it was too draining plus she didn’t think it was a healthy environment for herself and children so made a very hard decision in 2004 to file for divorce.
Since then Sandra gained interest in relationships and counselling & why couples fall apart, lead to her researching, reading many books, watching videos and attending workshops etc. She became particularly interested in understanding men in her quest to move forward for what she’s been through herself and by understanding them more so that she can improve in her own choices of finding the right partner and incorporate her researched knowledge into her Coaching Business.
Her researching gave her a deeper understanding of the mistakes she's made in the past and a clearer path as to what she wants for herself.
From her interest came the desire to turn her passion of helping others find their purpose and fulfil their dreams.
Sandra looks at life as a learning curve and is constantly learning herself even from those she’s teaching or coaching. The more men she coaches the better the understanding of them, plus Sandra believes by coaching men she will effectively help women as her male coachees will have a better insight to woman's needs. So who better for men to be coached on understanding women than from a woman.
Sandra's niche is for both men and women and specialises in Relationship, Confidence Building and Self Development Coaching, she is an advocate of sharing knowledge so has also delivered workshops in Business Development. She believes that most people are the one's that get in their own way therefore her 'Belief Management Coaching' is always delivered in all aspects of her coaching programmes business or personal.
Sandra's career progressed and she gained many accomplishments (also see OUR TEAM)
Over the last few years, Sandra has been a guest speaker at a number of seminars and workshops in London and Birmingham, She has planned and facilitated many events of her own, she's been interviewed on a number of Radio programmes in Birmingham (New Style Radio and Blue Dot Radio) and Luton (Tropical Radio).
Sandra believes that she has indirectly been effectively Coaching, Mentoring and Counselling students since she started teaching back in 1995 as the job involves some aspects such as action planning and goal setting and even consoling students facing numerous personal problems, she’s particularly proud of her students who had no confidence or belief in themselves at the beginning of courses then finish the year passing with good grades, it reminds her of her own fears and self-doubt of becoming a teacher with her hearing impairment and what she’s achieved.
Being made redundant from a teaching role in 2012 (although still actively teaches via agency every year since) has given Sandra the push she needed to pursue her self-employment more seriously, it has been her lifelong passion to continue helping people change their lives for the better, she is dedicated to empower and develop individuals or groups to maximise their human potential.
Sandra's hope is to raise people's earning potential by breaking them out of the limited mindset of how much they think they are worth and go for what they deserve.
In 2012 Sandra entered a competition to become a Relationship Coach for Men, Organised by Desmond O’Connor - Award Winning Relationship Expert and won. (See video on the right)
With a number of projects in the pipeline and writing her second book (Coping Alone) the first book which she has recently published entitled "RELATIONSHIPS, What Do Women Really Want from Men?" (Available on Amazon) https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=Relationships+-+What+do+Women+Really+Want+From+Men%3F&ref=nb_sb_nossSandra is hoping the first book will help men gain a clearer and deeper understanding of women and therefore help them build better relationships, the book should enlighten men on what women really want and contains useful tips on conversation starters for the shy man which can help prepare them in advance when dating.
Sandra can be contacted via the contact us page. She is available for workshops/seminars/public speaking at your event and is willing to travel abroad (expenses negotiated)
Sandra is also very supportive of joint ventures or working in collaboration with companies.
Sandra is a professional MEMBER of the
APCTC the Association of Professional Coaches, Trainers and Consultants. All her training/coaching courses are accredited by the APCTC organisation.
MBCC Midlands Business & Community Charity Awards. Sandra Joseph Winner for Mentor of the Year 2019
Sandra Joseph Founder of Club Ladyday QUEENS is also Founder of Teen Girls Networking CIC and we were awarded by Bex Live International Community Enterprise Awards for Winner of Community Organisation 2018 for Teen Girls Networking CIC. Here with fellow Director Audreia Joseph. The theme for the evening was Windrush, hence the 1950s look.
Sandra here with her sister Jannette received an an Award from Bex Live International Community Enterprise for 'Teacher Mentor' 2017
HUSH SECRET AWARDS 2017.
Sandra Joseph receiving an award again for the second year running for 'Inspiration and Motivation'2017 nominated by Jenny Bedward Mary Kay Director whom Sandra had mentored several years ago. Thank You Jenny! x
Sandra Joseph received a HUSH SECRET Award for Inspiration and Motivation 2016, and below with Actress Lorna Laidlaw aka Mrs Thembe of ITV Drama Doctors and recently in 2019 as Agatha Bailey in ITV Drama Coronation Street also receiving her Award.
Available as a guest speaker to inspire, inform and motivate small groups or larger audiences.
Sandra Joseph - APCTC (Association for Professional Coaches, Trainers & Consultants) Finalist for Women's Mentor of the Year 2016
Sandra Joseph receiving her COACHING and MENTORING Diploma 2013 after training in London. From the Academy of Black Mentors (ABM) as my reward from winning the competition, From Serial Entrepreneur Desmond O'Connor CEO of the Academy of Black Mentors; Academy of Relationship Coaches (ARC); Social Media Marketing Events (SMME); Women In Business and Dating and Relationship Conferences
Sandra Joseph receiving her MASTER COACH Certificate 2016 after training in London. From the COACHING STANDARDS AUTHORITY (CSA) with Nicki Vee Master Coach Trainer and Anthony Vee CSA Chairman.